My wife and I were married in December of 2007. Our friendship, and eventual courtship, began in April of 2006 when we talked about our desire to get into a deeper Bible study. I was looking for greater depth in Biblical understanding, while she was looking to connect deeply with other people. Turns out, it was good for both of us, and it started our path toward creating our passion for small groups. We had never even heard of a small group before this: we simply asked a few other people to do a book study with us on Sunday evenings at my house. We didn't really have a plan or any guidance--but we read a chapter a week of the book on our own outside of the group time, and then we talked about what it meant, how to apply it, and where we were at personally for a couple of hours, and then we played a game for an hour. This happened for 3 hours each week for a year and a half. After we were married, the group did fizzle, due to my lack of confidence and willingness to share leadership. But it also fizzled because my wife got sidelined in helping me to lead. Based on the wisdom of our church staff, I was told to apprentice other facilitators, but no one gave any thought to the fact that my wife was taken out of the leadership circle in the process. This is as much my fault for not knowing better as it was church staff for not having a vision of shared ministry in marriage.
Fast forward nearly three years, and I get it so much more clearly now. I cannot serve God in the way He has designed me without my wife by my side. She can see relational things that I will never directly understand. She can protect me from naively having inappropriate conversations with needy or hurting women in a group. She is much better at the small talk, relationship building communication that I am--I go straight to the point, as fast as I can.
In spite of our parents' many faults, this is one area where we see our parents got it right and we do not see it modeled by our church now, at all. Our parents consistently have served together, side by side, in the areas of ministry at church. Now, occasionally one will be called to serve directly in a different ministry, but still the other spouse will provide support behind the scenes to make sure the lead spouse can do the needed actions well. The idea is relationally work together, knowing each others' needs, such that God is honored in both the ministry and the marriage.
In our church right now, we see husbands and wives rarely working side by side. I think it is very possible that half of the church body would not know the lead pastor's wife's face, because they are never seen together. This is somewhat true for the other staff members, as well. Rather than accepting that the entire staff family is called to the position, it seems more like the staff members are called to work 9-5 Monday through Thursday, occasional committee meetings in the evenings through the week and Wednesday night activities, and then service times on Sunday. Our worship minister does add Saturday morning rehearsals to his list. I realize that it is not a matter of time; pastors must find time to recuperate and to lead their personal families. To me, it is more a matter of perceived attitude--this is a job that I do alone, rather than a calling that I walk through with my family.
Our worship minister's wife is more visible, but that is because she was a music major in college, and he allows her to do solo and duet work with him on stage. But, even he has told me that there are things he just doesn't tell his wife to "protect her." I do not understand how a one flesh marriage can have secrets. When I first became a deacon, I experienced the same thing. A major change was coming in our church, and we were told, "Do not share this with your wives."
It just does not make sense to me at all. Husbands should go to their wives to work through troubling issues, including those that are sensitive from work and ministry. Husbands should also trust that their wives are not going to gossip about those sensitive issues. If the relationship between husband and wife were more relational, communicative, and intimate, perhaps wives would not gossip as much with other women.
As I grew up, I went to a small church. The pastor and his wife always greeted you, together, at the back of the church at the end of service. They reached out to couples, together, to counsel them and walk with them through difficult choices and circumstances. I saw this same thing happen at almost all of the churches I attended in college. There was no question that the pastor's wife was directly involved in his shepherding ministry.
Now, I attend a church of about 500 active attenders in three services. Perhaps the concept of ministering relationally doesn't or can't happen in bigger churches where you often don't know the names of the people sitting around you. It just feels more corporate, more distant, more anonymous.
My wife and I feel like we can do more ministry, more effectively if we invest in each other first and then invest jointly in others. We do not want people to be able to be anonymous. We want to invest in others in such a way that they experience God's love in a very real, practical way, and then continue the ripple effect to those in their relational circles. We do not want people to feel alone in their burdens...we've been there ourselves, and it is so hard. We want to see Christ lifted up as we serve Him, together.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Invested love....where this thought process began and has come full circle
For whatever reason, a year and a half later, I am not directly involved in leading small groups as a ministry for our church. The main reason is that at the time little response occurred to the meeting that I mentioned in Jan. 2010. I see so much that I didn't have a clear vision, and the pastor had not laid out a church-wide vision. From what I have heard, the pastor is going to preach on community intentionally this fall, with the WL and another staff member leading off-site small groups while the associate pastor continues to direct on-site small groups. We have had one training where it was made clear that all groups, on-site or off-site, are going to be called small groups. The next training is in August where we will learn how to use the church website to record attendance, have e-mail connection with group members, etc.
In July 2006, my wife-to-be and I started the first small group I led, made up of singles ages 18-30. This lasted until September of 2008. We joined a young married group in October 2007 and stayed there as members until December of 2008. We started a new multi-generational group in March of 2009 that lasted until October 2009. While this was a short-lived group, we developed some relationships that continue to this day and one of the retired ladies from the group now volunteers in my classroom. Then, in October of 2009 we started a new younger married group and this continued until March of 2011. And now, I am a small group leader without a group.
I am beginning to realize that I had such a great experience with the first group, and it has been hard to recreate. I have expectations that these new groups will have the same drive, same passion to grow in Christ in the way that we experienced that first time, and it has not happened again. I know that not everyone is at that place, and I have to learn how to engage people where they are. Honestly, the reason the last group ended was because I was tired. I was leading in my own strength, not relying enough on the Spirit's direction, and I felt like I was pulling teeth every time we met. The group was not at a place of reaching out on their own, and I wasn't at a place to coax them deeper. It is too bad, but God allows us to learn from our mistakes and go forward.
This summer, several key conversations have brought me back full circle to where my thoughts have started with invested love. Many of them happened on a mission trip in Haiti. One of the missionaries repeatedly discussed the Great Commission, but she gave a focus that I've felt but hadn't had so clearly expressed.
Matthew 28:19-20:
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Christ told us to go make disciples. He did not tell us "to go make converts" (Haitian way to express "to save people"). Christ told us to go make disciples. Disciple-making is a long-term process. It does not happen in a half-hour sermon; it happens over a lifetime.
One of the group members talked about the discipleship process during Jesus' time. Typically, disciples would choose their own rabbi. They walked with him and learned from him. The follower chose the leader, with the intention of getting to know the leader/teacher so well that he could imitate the rabbi to the next generation. Christ approached this process differently. His disciples were to do the exact same thing--to walk with Him and learn from Him. BUT--Christ chose His disciples. He sought them out. He decided to invest in certain people, instead of waiting for followers to come to Him. Christ was bold, going up to these men and saying simply, "Follow me." When a man was hesitant, making excuses about following Jesus later, Christ was so bold as to say, "Let the dead bury their own dead." Christ was not a rabbi who just sat passively and waited for followers to come to Him. Christ chose them first. He made no excuses for how hard the life of a true disciple of Christ would be (Matthew 8; Luke 9).
So how does Jesus' example impact us today? Christ told us to go make disciples and to teach everything the new disciples to obey everything He commanded us to do.
Outside the church walls, I think it is clear that Christ wants us to share our faith without excuses. It's not up to us to convince anyone that Christ is the right, and only, answer. The Holy Spirit will do that Himself because just as Jesus sought out the first 12 disciples, He is still initiating the relationship with new disciples today. We just need to tell our story of how Christ impacted our lives, and then we live like we believe Jesus is who He says He is. This is the first part of invested love.
Inside the church walls, I think that we need to seek out and invite those that stay on the sidelines. Find out what is keeping them in the shadows, and engage them. Here is where invested love has the rubber meet the road. I feel that there are so many people who are sitting in church who need a gentle nudge to move forward. In this last small group, I did not rely on God's strength, and I was not able to do it in a way that brought Him honor. I am sorry about that. If we rely on Him, though, He can equip us and empower us to reach out to those who need that encouragement, and even that rebuke in Christ-like love.
When I hear that the 80-20 rule is so entrenched in the church, I have to ask why. Why is that, across almost all congregations, we typically see 80% of the work done by 20% of the people? I have to believe part of this is due to a choice not to engage people that don't volunteer. Maybe these people don't volunteer because of a lack of confidence. If that's the case, we need to walk beside them as they serve so that they can gain assurance of God's work in their life and that He wants to use them for His glory. Maybe these people don't volunteer because of a lack of skill. If that's the case, we need to teach them, asking them to apprentice in roles by watching people who have done the skill before and enjoy sharing the blessing of serving Christ.
Maybe we don't ask people to volunteer because we like our ministry too much. We enjoy so much doing what God has called us to do; maybe we're afraid to let go of that event/activity/process that brings us so much joy. Maybe we're afraid that those who follow us won't do it the same way, or they might be better at it than we are, so we don't look as important or successful. All of these fears are sincere, and I experience them frequently myself, but they are preventing others from experiencing the blessing that we enjoy when we serve God with a willing, humble heart.
A second part that stuck out to me through these conversations is the title of this blog. Christ said we are to teach everything He has commanded us to obey. What has He commanded us to obey?
Matthew 22:35-40
One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
"Love your neighbor as yourself" is also found in Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, Mark 12:31-34, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, and James 2:8. Paul retells that all the commands are "summed up in this one command" in Romans and that "the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command" in Galatians. James calls it the "royal law."
What strikes me then is that we need to teach people how to love God first, by teaching humble submission, and then how to love others, again by teaching humble submission. And I think in today's world we need to teach people how to love themselves, by teaching that God is holy and just and Truth while at the same time being grace and mercy and love. Many people struggle with loving others because they do not truly love themselves. They do not see themselves as part of God's creation, designed with a purpose to honor Him. They struggle to see past their own sin and find it hard to believe that they are lovable by other people, so why should they love themselves? I know I have found myself there at times, and I become a victim who struggles to reach out to others because I am so centered on my own weaknesses and shortcomings rather than God's strength in me. If we teach morality void of a humble dependence on God, we are not fulfilling the Great Commission. A list of rules will never lead anyone to true righteousness.
The last conversation that prompted me to think deeper was about pure religion.
James 1:27:
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
My wife and I have struggled with infertility for our three and a half years of marriage. We are in our early to mid-30s, and we have felt that God is calling us to adoption. We feel a strong call to redeem a life that could have ended in abortion. We know that we are not doing this on our own, but we do it because we are called to love others. It is God's use of us as His instruments of peace that provides the true redemptive story. A couple in our church have adopted two girls from Ethiopia, and they are excited to walk with us as we go down this path toward adoption. Last Sunday we talked about this verse in James, and I brought up how my wife and I feel called to both parts of this verse. We have felt a strong call to support widows who are around us through encouragement and care, and physical support if they need it, as well. Several widows around us are not shut ins but rather still vital and active, but they do feel alone and they need loved on. Some women are functional widows, in that they are divorced, either by their husbands' choices or sometimes even their own, and they still need loved on and shown Christ's grace. We see all too often that generations function separately in the church, and we want to help bridge that gap through loving children and senior adults.
I pray that we depend on Christ to love Him first so we have the strength to love others as well.
How's that for a year and a half gap of thoughts!
In July 2006, my wife-to-be and I started the first small group I led, made up of singles ages 18-30. This lasted until September of 2008. We joined a young married group in October 2007 and stayed there as members until December of 2008. We started a new multi-generational group in March of 2009 that lasted until October 2009. While this was a short-lived group, we developed some relationships that continue to this day and one of the retired ladies from the group now volunteers in my classroom. Then, in October of 2009 we started a new younger married group and this continued until March of 2011. And now, I am a small group leader without a group.
I am beginning to realize that I had such a great experience with the first group, and it has been hard to recreate. I have expectations that these new groups will have the same drive, same passion to grow in Christ in the way that we experienced that first time, and it has not happened again. I know that not everyone is at that place, and I have to learn how to engage people where they are. Honestly, the reason the last group ended was because I was tired. I was leading in my own strength, not relying enough on the Spirit's direction, and I felt like I was pulling teeth every time we met. The group was not at a place of reaching out on their own, and I wasn't at a place to coax them deeper. It is too bad, but God allows us to learn from our mistakes and go forward.
This summer, several key conversations have brought me back full circle to where my thoughts have started with invested love. Many of them happened on a mission trip in Haiti. One of the missionaries repeatedly discussed the Great Commission, but she gave a focus that I've felt but hadn't had so clearly expressed.
Matthew 28:19-20:
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Christ told us to go make disciples. He did not tell us "to go make converts" (Haitian way to express "to save people"). Christ told us to go make disciples. Disciple-making is a long-term process. It does not happen in a half-hour sermon; it happens over a lifetime.
One of the group members talked about the discipleship process during Jesus' time. Typically, disciples would choose their own rabbi. They walked with him and learned from him. The follower chose the leader, with the intention of getting to know the leader/teacher so well that he could imitate the rabbi to the next generation. Christ approached this process differently. His disciples were to do the exact same thing--to walk with Him and learn from Him. BUT--Christ chose His disciples. He sought them out. He decided to invest in certain people, instead of waiting for followers to come to Him. Christ was bold, going up to these men and saying simply, "Follow me." When a man was hesitant, making excuses about following Jesus later, Christ was so bold as to say, "Let the dead bury their own dead." Christ was not a rabbi who just sat passively and waited for followers to come to Him. Christ chose them first. He made no excuses for how hard the life of a true disciple of Christ would be (Matthew 8; Luke 9).
So how does Jesus' example impact us today? Christ told us to go make disciples and to teach everything the new disciples to obey everything He commanded us to do.
Outside the church walls, I think it is clear that Christ wants us to share our faith without excuses. It's not up to us to convince anyone that Christ is the right, and only, answer. The Holy Spirit will do that Himself because just as Jesus sought out the first 12 disciples, He is still initiating the relationship with new disciples today. We just need to tell our story of how Christ impacted our lives, and then we live like we believe Jesus is who He says He is. This is the first part of invested love.
Inside the church walls, I think that we need to seek out and invite those that stay on the sidelines. Find out what is keeping them in the shadows, and engage them. Here is where invested love has the rubber meet the road. I feel that there are so many people who are sitting in church who need a gentle nudge to move forward. In this last small group, I did not rely on God's strength, and I was not able to do it in a way that brought Him honor. I am sorry about that. If we rely on Him, though, He can equip us and empower us to reach out to those who need that encouragement, and even that rebuke in Christ-like love.
When I hear that the 80-20 rule is so entrenched in the church, I have to ask why. Why is that, across almost all congregations, we typically see 80% of the work done by 20% of the people? I have to believe part of this is due to a choice not to engage people that don't volunteer. Maybe these people don't volunteer because of a lack of confidence. If that's the case, we need to walk beside them as they serve so that they can gain assurance of God's work in their life and that He wants to use them for His glory. Maybe these people don't volunteer because of a lack of skill. If that's the case, we need to teach them, asking them to apprentice in roles by watching people who have done the skill before and enjoy sharing the blessing of serving Christ.
Maybe we don't ask people to volunteer because we like our ministry too much. We enjoy so much doing what God has called us to do; maybe we're afraid to let go of that event/activity/process that brings us so much joy. Maybe we're afraid that those who follow us won't do it the same way, or they might be better at it than we are, so we don't look as important or successful. All of these fears are sincere, and I experience them frequently myself, but they are preventing others from experiencing the blessing that we enjoy when we serve God with a willing, humble heart.
A second part that stuck out to me through these conversations is the title of this blog. Christ said we are to teach everything He has commanded us to obey. What has He commanded us to obey?
Matthew 22:35-40
One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
"Love your neighbor as yourself" is also found in Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, Mark 12:31-34, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, and James 2:8. Paul retells that all the commands are "summed up in this one command" in Romans and that "the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command" in Galatians. James calls it the "royal law."
What strikes me then is that we need to teach people how to love God first, by teaching humble submission, and then how to love others, again by teaching humble submission. And I think in today's world we need to teach people how to love themselves, by teaching that God is holy and just and Truth while at the same time being grace and mercy and love. Many people struggle with loving others because they do not truly love themselves. They do not see themselves as part of God's creation, designed with a purpose to honor Him. They struggle to see past their own sin and find it hard to believe that they are lovable by other people, so why should they love themselves? I know I have found myself there at times, and I become a victim who struggles to reach out to others because I am so centered on my own weaknesses and shortcomings rather than God's strength in me. If we teach morality void of a humble dependence on God, we are not fulfilling the Great Commission. A list of rules will never lead anyone to true righteousness.
The last conversation that prompted me to think deeper was about pure religion.
James 1:27:
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
My wife and I have struggled with infertility for our three and a half years of marriage. We are in our early to mid-30s, and we have felt that God is calling us to adoption. We feel a strong call to redeem a life that could have ended in abortion. We know that we are not doing this on our own, but we do it because we are called to love others. It is God's use of us as His instruments of peace that provides the true redemptive story. A couple in our church have adopted two girls from Ethiopia, and they are excited to walk with us as we go down this path toward adoption. Last Sunday we talked about this verse in James, and I brought up how my wife and I feel called to both parts of this verse. We have felt a strong call to support widows who are around us through encouragement and care, and physical support if they need it, as well. Several widows around us are not shut ins but rather still vital and active, but they do feel alone and they need loved on. Some women are functional widows, in that they are divorced, either by their husbands' choices or sometimes even their own, and they still need loved on and shown Christ's grace. We see all too often that generations function separately in the church, and we want to help bridge that gap through loving children and senior adults.
I pray that we depend on Christ to love Him first so we have the strength to love others as well.
How's that for a year and a half gap of thoughts!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Next step
Tomorrow, the WL, our staff liaison, is doing a short ministry moment in each service to promote C-Groups. My wife and I have gathered pictures and testimonies from those who have participated in small groups over the last three years (nearly 4) and have put together a tri-fold board and testimony page to promote C-Groups and garner attention. Right now, I am in a catch 22. I want to get more attention for the ministry, but at the same time I don't want to get people's hopes up when I don't have leaders to start new groups yet.
On the 17th, after our 3rd service, we are having a meeting just to see who is interested in leading a small group, and also to find out what training they need. My recommendations are three-fold: 1) if they have prior experience leading a small group, I am willing to led them seek out new group members, provided their theology is sound and their hearts appear right; 2) if they do not have prior experience, I believe they might need some time, a proofing period--if you will, as an apprentice in another group with plans to launch a new group out of the original within 6 months; 3) if they have interest in leading but are very unsure, maybe they need to spend a significant amount of time in another C-Group, first to learn what it is like and then also to spend time as an apprentice.
Our church is trying to promote the equipping model, and this works itself out extremely well in small group ministry. You never lead alone. You always take someone with you and share ministry. It means that things are not as efficient, but more people grow to learn to serve (to love God and others) in this process.
I pray that the right people come forward--that they have hearts willing to serve God and passions to connect people to God and others. I also pray that I have the wisdom I need to help train them, to equip them to serve as God calls them.
On the 17th, after our 3rd service, we are having a meeting just to see who is interested in leading a small group, and also to find out what training they need. My recommendations are three-fold: 1) if they have prior experience leading a small group, I am willing to led them seek out new group members, provided their theology is sound and their hearts appear right; 2) if they do not have prior experience, I believe they might need some time, a proofing period--if you will, as an apprentice in another group with plans to launch a new group out of the original within 6 months; 3) if they have interest in leading but are very unsure, maybe they need to spend a significant amount of time in another C-Group, first to learn what it is like and then also to spend time as an apprentice.
Our church is trying to promote the equipping model, and this works itself out extremely well in small group ministry. You never lead alone. You always take someone with you and share ministry. It means that things are not as efficient, but more people grow to learn to serve (to love God and others) in this process.
I pray that the right people come forward--that they have hearts willing to serve God and passions to connect people to God and others. I also pray that I have the wisdom I need to help train them, to equip them to serve as God calls them.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Back again
Well, so much for weekly posting. The last month has been busy, as for everyone, but I have a week left before work starts again.
I got to catch up with a friend this evening who went to church with me as I grew up. For much of our childhood, we were the only two active people our age, and it was great to talk to her again after several years' lapse.
I talked with her about my passion to develop small groups in our church, about how it creates an environment for you to talk out your faith with a group of people you trust, like a practice run, before you go talk out your faith in the real world.
Her response: "I could see that. You're probably more challenged in the small group setting and forced to be more vulnerable. It doesn't seem like you could hide too much in that setting."
We both grew up in a church that tended to focus more on faith in terms of rule-following than faith in terms of having a relationship with Christ. We both mentioned that there seemed to be something missing, that nothing we were taught was wrong, but it was incomplete.
She and her husband are seeking to find more in the Christian walk than what they've experienced lived out by the believers around them.
I am realizing that small groups can tend to challenge people to take their faith more personally and more seriously. When you meet with people and talk about how Christ impacts your life, week to week, you can't hide anymore. You will be encouraged, even pushed, to honor Christ more and more every day of your life. It becomes less about "looking right" for a few hours on Sunday and more about "being holy" day by day.
My wife and I meet with the small groups staff liaison tomorrow to discuss how to begin to seek out new leaders. We also need to discuss how to begin promotion of small groups so they are not a threat to a strong Sunday School culture.
I really need God's wisdom in this arena. Those who have experienced small group life, for the most part, really like it and want to continue to participate in it, either in addition to Sunday School or as an alternative. But for those who have not yet experienced it, how can I get them to see the importance of investing love in others more personally than can happen in an hour on Sunday mornings? I know many, many people that really do "get it" through Sunday School experiences. They have those connections, that support that they need. But I also know and see many, many people who do not have those connections, and they really don't know how to ask for more. Small groups can be that "more" if allowed.
Next topic: How to name our small group ministry???
I have tentatively settled on Connection Groups, but in print (and spoken word time) that's almost too long. So what about C-Groups, with the "C" referring to several ideas?
Any feedback would be appreciated.
Lynn
P.S. I hope the weekly posting will recommence as of this week.
I got to catch up with a friend this evening who went to church with me as I grew up. For much of our childhood, we were the only two active people our age, and it was great to talk to her again after several years' lapse.
I talked with her about my passion to develop small groups in our church, about how it creates an environment for you to talk out your faith with a group of people you trust, like a practice run, before you go talk out your faith in the real world.
Her response: "I could see that. You're probably more challenged in the small group setting and forced to be more vulnerable. It doesn't seem like you could hide too much in that setting."
We both grew up in a church that tended to focus more on faith in terms of rule-following than faith in terms of having a relationship with Christ. We both mentioned that there seemed to be something missing, that nothing we were taught was wrong, but it was incomplete.
She and her husband are seeking to find more in the Christian walk than what they've experienced lived out by the believers around them.
I am realizing that small groups can tend to challenge people to take their faith more personally and more seriously. When you meet with people and talk about how Christ impacts your life, week to week, you can't hide anymore. You will be encouraged, even pushed, to honor Christ more and more every day of your life. It becomes less about "looking right" for a few hours on Sunday and more about "being holy" day by day.
My wife and I meet with the small groups staff liaison tomorrow to discuss how to begin to seek out new leaders. We also need to discuss how to begin promotion of small groups so they are not a threat to a strong Sunday School culture.
I really need God's wisdom in this arena. Those who have experienced small group life, for the most part, really like it and want to continue to participate in it, either in addition to Sunday School or as an alternative. But for those who have not yet experienced it, how can I get them to see the importance of investing love in others more personally than can happen in an hour on Sunday mornings? I know many, many people that really do "get it" through Sunday School experiences. They have those connections, that support that they need. But I also know and see many, many people who do not have those connections, and they really don't know how to ask for more. Small groups can be that "more" if allowed.
Next topic: How to name our small group ministry???
I have tentatively settled on Connection Groups, but in print (and spoken word time) that's almost too long. So what about C-Groups, with the "C" referring to several ideas?
- Christ--A relationship with Christ directs all we do in C-Groups.
- Connection--A connection with other believers provides the support we need to grow in Christ.
- Community--A community provides accountability to live as a Christ-follower day in, day out.
- Care--C-Groups provide care in individuals' times of need, in a way that provides strength and dignity.
- Courage--C-Groups give us the courage to move forward in our walk with Christ.
- Conversation--C-Groups provide the needed conversations for us to own our faith.
Any feedback would be appreciated.
Lynn
P.S. I hope the weekly posting will recommence as of this week.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Thought update--3 Commandments and a Job Description
The sermon this morning touched on missions involvement and giving, pointing to the Matthew 28 and Acts 1 verses, and it got me to thinking. I read on Chip Ingram's website a week ago that Barna was commissioned to do a survey of spiritual growth among pastors and lay people. One point of interest is that pastors often do not put out a measuring stick of what spiritual maturity should look like, especially because they do not want believers to just become better "rule-followers." I totally agree...but still how to show lay members to focus of their growth.
This may be way too simple, but here's a thought:
If Christ gave us those three commands and a job description, why aren't those the measuring stick of spiritual maturity, both for individuals and for the church corporate?
1. How much am I truly loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?
2. How much am I truly loving neighbors, those whom God has placed around me to influence, as I love myself?
3. How much am I leading others to be students of Jesus (regardless of my vocation)?
4. How much am I telling the story of how Jesus has impacted my life to those around me?
You cannot have 3 and 4 without 1 and 2 first. 3 and 4 can become "rule-following," but if you love God and others first, 3 and 4 become a natural overflow of your life instead of rules to check off.
I need to let this marinate a bit further to find real, practical application, but I do think there is something to these 4 items as a goal for spiritual maturity.
This may be way too simple, but here's a thought:
If Christ gave us those three commands and a job description, why aren't those the measuring stick of spiritual maturity, both for individuals and for the church corporate?
1. How much am I truly loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?
2. How much am I truly loving neighbors, those whom God has placed around me to influence, as I love myself?
3. How much am I leading others to be students of Jesus (regardless of my vocation)?
4. How much am I telling the story of how Jesus has impacted my life to those around me?
You cannot have 3 and 4 without 1 and 2 first. 3 and 4 can become "rule-following," but if you love God and others first, 3 and 4 become a natural overflow of your life instead of rules to check off.
I need to let this marinate a bit further to find real, practical application, but I do think there is something to these 4 items as a goal for spiritual maturity.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
New Start tomorrow
Tomorrow is a new beginning for my wife and I.
We began our first group in July of 2006. Since then, we stayed with that group through September of 2008, participated in another group from October of 2007 through December of 2008, and we started another group this past March that finished last week.
God has led us to lead a singles group (ages 19-36), sit under the leadership of a friend in a younger married couples group (early 20s through 30s) and then lead an intergenerational group, (late 20s through late 60s).
Tomorrow, we begin a new venture. Four married couples are coming together to form a new group. Two couples are coming from another group that also began in March but had a rocky start with leadership. One couple was in this last group with us. So, we are forming one new group out of two former groups.
As we begin, I have to say I am somewhat nervous. I know that my heart is in the right place, desiring to serve these couples. I want them to learn to love God and each other more, and I want to see their lives transformed as Christ works in their lives. I want to see God's Word prevail in our discussions and reactions. To be honest, I haven't had been a great leader. I have learned a lot in the experiences that God has provided, and I have had to learn humility, often the hard way. I have very strong convictions about what small groups should look like, but I can't like my convictions run over these friends.
I was blessed a couple nights ago. One guy from the other former group is a part of my accountability group. We were talking about the group coming together, and he specifically mentioned the idea of each group member using their gifts. I was (internally) ecstatic. In our first group, my wife and I were worn down and even burned out because we did everything. We led the discussion, did all the social planning, did all the communication, etc. We realized that we could never function in a group like that again. To hear him say that he realized that was important without me even talking about it, needless to say it was music to my ears.
I pray that God gives me the words to speak tomorrow as we meet for the first time. We are meeting for lunch just to get to know what each person wants and needs, and what we really are capable of providing as a group. It is in His hands for His glory.
On a church level, I was contacted today with a name for a couple that want to get involved in small groups. I realize, however, that I don't really have a group to refer them to. We just aren't far enough along in our structure. I pray that God gives me clarity in how to respond to those who are interested while I am waiting for God to provide in His timing.
We began our first group in July of 2006. Since then, we stayed with that group through September of 2008, participated in another group from October of 2007 through December of 2008, and we started another group this past March that finished last week.
God has led us to lead a singles group (ages 19-36), sit under the leadership of a friend in a younger married couples group (early 20s through 30s) and then lead an intergenerational group, (late 20s through late 60s).
Tomorrow, we begin a new venture. Four married couples are coming together to form a new group. Two couples are coming from another group that also began in March but had a rocky start with leadership. One couple was in this last group with us. So, we are forming one new group out of two former groups.
As we begin, I have to say I am somewhat nervous. I know that my heart is in the right place, desiring to serve these couples. I want them to learn to love God and each other more, and I want to see their lives transformed as Christ works in their lives. I want to see God's Word prevail in our discussions and reactions. To be honest, I haven't had been a great leader. I have learned a lot in the experiences that God has provided, and I have had to learn humility, often the hard way. I have very strong convictions about what small groups should look like, but I can't like my convictions run over these friends.
I was blessed a couple nights ago. One guy from the other former group is a part of my accountability group. We were talking about the group coming together, and he specifically mentioned the idea of each group member using their gifts. I was (internally) ecstatic. In our first group, my wife and I were worn down and even burned out because we did everything. We led the discussion, did all the social planning, did all the communication, etc. We realized that we could never function in a group like that again. To hear him say that he realized that was important without me even talking about it, needless to say it was music to my ears.
I pray that God gives me the words to speak tomorrow as we meet for the first time. We are meeting for lunch just to get to know what each person wants and needs, and what we really are capable of providing as a group. It is in His hands for His glory.
On a church level, I was contacted today with a name for a couple that want to get involved in small groups. I realize, however, that I don't really have a group to refer them to. We just aren't far enough along in our structure. I pray that God gives me clarity in how to respond to those who are interested while I am waiting for God to provide in His timing.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
3 Commands and a job description
Jesus has given us 3 commands to direct the Christian life and a job description those commands fall under.
Commands:
Matthew 26:36-40 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " ' (1)Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: '(2)Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
This is restated in Mark 12:28-34 and Luke 10:25-37 (which is the Good Samaritan story). In Romans 13:9 and Galatians 6:14, Paul reaffirms Christ's teaching that loving one's neighbor is the summation of the law.
Matthew 28:18-20 Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore (3) go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Job description:
Acts:1:8b "...you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
OK, so where am I going with this? I have been convicted recently that in order to love my neighbor, I actually might need to know who they are! I do understand that Christ talked about being available to seeing those in need as we go on our way in the Good Samaritan story, but I also believe that He has us situated in specific neighborhoods and specific jobs to be "witnesses" to specific people. If God is sovereign, and Scripture reaffirms that over and over, He does position us in the best place for our hearts to connect with those around us.
As I write this, I am ashamed to say I can only name one of the neighbors on my street. I recently read Randy Frazee's book The Connecting Church and was challenged by the idea of intentionally connecting with those whom God has placed around me.
As I reflect on these three commands and a job description, I have to ask how that affects leading and designing our small group ministry.
1) 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
If I am to love God, that means I need to spend time getting to know Him. I cannot love anyone I don't know. I am to allow Him access to all the joys, frustrations, happiness, and pain that my heart holds. He will choose to work on them in His timing, but I cannot hold my emotions back from Him. I am to seek after Him as sovereign in my life and allow Him to direct my acts of service, recognizing my humility before Him and my constant need for a Savior to redeem my corrupt human soul. God willingly has redeemed me through Jesus' death and resurrection. I just have live each day in acceptance of that gift. I also have to give God my intellect for His purposes. No godly idea is my own creation; it is a part of God renewing my mind to be shaped every day more and more like Him. In response to this transformation (Romans 12:1-2), I need to choose to follow His leading.
All of this is to say that any system that is developed for the small group ministry has to be centered on a reflection of who God is in His Word. A system must reflect emotions centered on God and reflecting His character (treating people with kindness, with no favoritism); it must reflect a leading of people's souls to become more God-centered and less self-centered; and it must reflect an intellect that attempts to see things through God's perspective rather than man's limited scope (understanding Scripture in context; training small group leaders to focus on the renewing of minds rather than the accumulation of knowledge).
2) 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
As I mentioned above, I have to know my neighbor in order to love my neighbor. This means small groups must work to build relationships, and that may mean teaching relationship-building to those in the church. It is very easy to work in the church, being very program-driven, and lose the exact people you want to reach as you keep your eyes only on achieving the goal. We must remember, as the Samaritan was, to be ready to change our plans to meet the needs God may place in front of us. We need to worry less about getting dirty (see Pharisaic "unclean") and more about showing love those in need. The priest and the Levite were more concerned with looking right and not being inconvenienced than helping someone that they obviously could have helped. I don't know that I can point fingers though. Are there times needs stare me right in the face and I just ignore them because I don't want to "get dirty" or be inconvenienced?
I'm not exactly sure what this relationship-building training should look like yet, but I think it should address some "elephants in the room," where we do avoid the inconveniences of those in distress. I think there are some other things to address too. Sometimes, we just have never learned how to connect with people who aren't like us. This may be because we're single and they're married, or we don't/can't have kids and they do have kids, or we have young kids and they have older or grown children, or we grew up in the church and subconsciously just "know" how church people are supposed to act and they never were exposed to "churchy" behavior upbringing. The list goes on. Many times, we are so driven by a need to find others like us that we miss out on connecting to people that are right in front of us, needing a loving shoulder to cry on or a friend to rejoice with.
3) "...go and make disciples of all nations..."
As we love God wholly, reserving no part of ourselves from His transforming hand, and as we learn to love on neighbors, we are to go teach others how to do the same. Much of this is "more caught than taught," as our Interim Pastor often states. We need to model to those around us what it means to follow Jesus Christ. We need to show others what it means to live a life of humility and service and suffering, so that Christ receives glory instead of us. John the Baptist tells us in John 3:30 "He [Christ] must become greater; I must become less."
Make disciples is a very active idea. It is something that must be done intentionally, with a purpose of using the influence Christ allows in your life to lead those around you to seek Christ more. Literally, it means to make students of Christ. If we love others, we will want others to experience Christ in the way that we have, as well. We will want them to experience incredible grace and forgiveness, so we will lead them toward the Savior who can show that grace and forgiveness to them.
In terms of developing small groups, our group leaders need to catch this vision: we want our small group members to influence their neighbors to become students of Christ. This can come through gentle words in times of sorrow, giving a helping hand, etc. As we show and talk about Christ, others will want to experience the same thing.
So I'm left with the job description.
"...you will be my witnesses..."
A witness tells what they have seen, heard, and experienced. It is not our job to convince others; Christ is the advocate, the lawyer. We just have to let them know how Christ has intervened in our lives for our good and His glory, and let the Holy Spirit change the heart.
My desire for small groups is that members build confidence about talking of their faith when they meet together; I believe God will use this and carry it into the overflow of the members' conversations as they go through their lives.
This was long, but it is what is on my heart, and actually the main idea of the website URL name. Love must be invested, not always seeing the return, for Jesus' name to be shared in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth.
Lynn
Commands:
Matthew 26:36-40 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " ' (1)Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: '(2)Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
This is restated in Mark 12:28-34 and Luke 10:25-37 (which is the Good Samaritan story). In Romans 13:9 and Galatians 6:14, Paul reaffirms Christ's teaching that loving one's neighbor is the summation of the law.
Matthew 28:18-20 Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore (3) go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Job description:
Acts:1:8b "...you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
OK, so where am I going with this? I have been convicted recently that in order to love my neighbor, I actually might need to know who they are! I do understand that Christ talked about being available to seeing those in need as we go on our way in the Good Samaritan story, but I also believe that He has us situated in specific neighborhoods and specific jobs to be "witnesses" to specific people. If God is sovereign, and Scripture reaffirms that over and over, He does position us in the best place for our hearts to connect with those around us.
As I write this, I am ashamed to say I can only name one of the neighbors on my street. I recently read Randy Frazee's book The Connecting Church and was challenged by the idea of intentionally connecting with those whom God has placed around me.
As I reflect on these three commands and a job description, I have to ask how that affects leading and designing our small group ministry.
1) 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
If I am to love God, that means I need to spend time getting to know Him. I cannot love anyone I don't know. I am to allow Him access to all the joys, frustrations, happiness, and pain that my heart holds. He will choose to work on them in His timing, but I cannot hold my emotions back from Him. I am to seek after Him as sovereign in my life and allow Him to direct my acts of service, recognizing my humility before Him and my constant need for a Savior to redeem my corrupt human soul. God willingly has redeemed me through Jesus' death and resurrection. I just have live each day in acceptance of that gift. I also have to give God my intellect for His purposes. No godly idea is my own creation; it is a part of God renewing my mind to be shaped every day more and more like Him. In response to this transformation (Romans 12:1-2), I need to choose to follow His leading.
All of this is to say that any system that is developed for the small group ministry has to be centered on a reflection of who God is in His Word. A system must reflect emotions centered on God and reflecting His character (treating people with kindness, with no favoritism); it must reflect a leading of people's souls to become more God-centered and less self-centered; and it must reflect an intellect that attempts to see things through God's perspective rather than man's limited scope (understanding Scripture in context; training small group leaders to focus on the renewing of minds rather than the accumulation of knowledge).
2) 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
As I mentioned above, I have to know my neighbor in order to love my neighbor. This means small groups must work to build relationships, and that may mean teaching relationship-building to those in the church. It is very easy to work in the church, being very program-driven, and lose the exact people you want to reach as you keep your eyes only on achieving the goal. We must remember, as the Samaritan was, to be ready to change our plans to meet the needs God may place in front of us. We need to worry less about getting dirty (see Pharisaic "unclean") and more about showing love those in need. The priest and the Levite were more concerned with looking right and not being inconvenienced than helping someone that they obviously could have helped. I don't know that I can point fingers though. Are there times needs stare me right in the face and I just ignore them because I don't want to "get dirty" or be inconvenienced?
I'm not exactly sure what this relationship-building training should look like yet, but I think it should address some "elephants in the room," where we do avoid the inconveniences of those in distress. I think there are some other things to address too. Sometimes, we just have never learned how to connect with people who aren't like us. This may be because we're single and they're married, or we don't/can't have kids and they do have kids, or we have young kids and they have older or grown children, or we grew up in the church and subconsciously just "know" how church people are supposed to act and they never were exposed to "churchy" behavior upbringing. The list goes on. Many times, we are so driven by a need to find others like us that we miss out on connecting to people that are right in front of us, needing a loving shoulder to cry on or a friend to rejoice with.
3) "...go and make disciples of all nations..."
As we love God wholly, reserving no part of ourselves from His transforming hand, and as we learn to love on neighbors, we are to go teach others how to do the same. Much of this is "more caught than taught," as our Interim Pastor often states. We need to model to those around us what it means to follow Jesus Christ. We need to show others what it means to live a life of humility and service and suffering, so that Christ receives glory instead of us. John the Baptist tells us in John 3:30 "He [Christ] must become greater; I must become less."
Make disciples is a very active idea. It is something that must be done intentionally, with a purpose of using the influence Christ allows in your life to lead those around you to seek Christ more. Literally, it means to make students of Christ. If we love others, we will want others to experience Christ in the way that we have, as well. We will want them to experience incredible grace and forgiveness, so we will lead them toward the Savior who can show that grace and forgiveness to them.
In terms of developing small groups, our group leaders need to catch this vision: we want our small group members to influence their neighbors to become students of Christ. This can come through gentle words in times of sorrow, giving a helping hand, etc. As we show and talk about Christ, others will want to experience the same thing.
So I'm left with the job description.
"...you will be my witnesses..."
A witness tells what they have seen, heard, and experienced. It is not our job to convince others; Christ is the advocate, the lawyer. We just have to let them know how Christ has intervened in our lives for our good and His glory, and let the Holy Spirit change the heart.
My desire for small groups is that members build confidence about talking of their faith when they meet together; I believe God will use this and carry it into the overflow of the members' conversations as they go through their lives.
This was long, but it is what is on my heart, and actually the main idea of the website URL name. Love must be invested, not always seeing the return, for Jesus' name to be shared in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth.
Lynn
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